Thursday, 30 April 2009
i often look at my life... dreaming away into the sea...
from the day i was born, where my parents took care of it... till the day i'm in charge of my own life...
i'm turning 21 this year... and trust me alot has happened in the past 21 years... people come and go in my life... my friend who i thought was the sweetet of them all deserted us... back stabbing every single one... she reminds me of anakin skywalker...
the crushes i had during my teenage years... that was stupid.. haha.. i waited for someone for over 5 years once... haha... hopeless right... but thats love i guess... u'll do stupid things and you dont even realised it...
if i can changed my life... will i change it???
maybe i would... maybe i stop mom from divorcing dad... maybe i moved on in my life since theres no point in waiting for someone for 5 years... maybe i'll study harder and do my parents proud... maybe i train harder to get that perfect body... and maybe i learn not to let go of the girl i love so much so easily...
maybe it's fated... maybe i'm not meant to live a happy life... or maybe i'm just someone who doesn't know how lucky i am...
lucky??? yeah right...
but then again... if i were to study hard... will i be able to meet my wonderful friends... if i continue with my school.. will i able to meet that beautiful girl who i've always been thinking about during national service...?
live is about sacrificing... it's a test to see if you can accept fate... not everyone is happy with their live... but no one said they aren't...
maybe it's time i learn to accept things... to accept everything i 've been through... even if i'm not lucky... so be it
like anyone would say, it always happen for a reason... right???
Sunday, 26 April 2009
she's leaving me this June... um i mean to another stn... geez i'm still bumped till now although she told me yesterday... i just can't help it...
it means i wouldn't get to see her again... maybe i will never see her again at all... both of us i'm sure gonna be busy... then what... will she have time for me...? will she maybe find someone else over there... will she remembers me...? and what do i do if i miss her...?
will messages be enough???
i'm overreacting... am i? it's hard to let someone u barely even know for a year go... you don't know if she's gonna be fine or what's gonna happen...
hmm... what am i supposed to do... should i just say gdbye just like that... hehe... maybe thats the eassiest way... you know what.. she's living somewhere close to me... but yet why do i feel that she is so far away... why am i feeling the way i feel... i feel so stupid gosh...
and i told her i miss her... i just met her yesterday... haha... wth...
maybe i still cn't accept the fact that she's leaving... i'd just imagined myself looking at the ambulance... and there she is.. smiling...
all i can do now is just pray for her... hope that she'll just be fine... for now i should savour my time with her at the stn... more cakes for you then.. hehe... geez there i go again... like somekind of an love struck emo guy... haha...
what you expect me to do... i care for her so much... if only she knew... =/
Friday, 24 April 2009
everyday i imagined my life to be super... i imagined myself with that girl i loved so much... having such a wonderful time... not thinking about anything other than having fun... i imagined us with stable careers in SCDF... and good qualifications... riding my bike through the sunset.. chey3... how i wish it will all be like that... just like a fairy tale...
maybe its not impossible thought... she has a stable career for now... and i'm sure she will go for her diploma... as for me... I'm going for my bike license pretty soon.. b4 the next two mths perhaps...
and i'm already in a discussion with my mom about taking private diploma in mechanical engineering... plus my safety management courses... I'll nid all this if i'm gonna sign on or work outside... hope it will be worth it...
when all this is said and done...
the only thing for me to wait is her... hee... hope she's willing to be with me...
until then... i'll just have to go with the flow... and take things day by day... just do whatever i can for now...
geez saying it is easy... doing it is not... but then it's all an idea of what i can do before i think about marriage... hahaha...
wow i've change... great... maybe it's all thanks to her i guess... like my encik said... if i want to be with her... then i should show her that i can take care of her... show her that i can protect her and love her at the same time...
honestly i 'm not good in this kind of things but then... i 'll just have to go with the flow... hopefully one day i can give her that assurance...
for the moment we are close friends but still...
i will still and always think about u...
just like we are together... =)
Monday, 20 April 2009
I've learned-
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned-
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned-
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned-
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned-
that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do
I've learned-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned-
that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've learned-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I've learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first, the passion fades
and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up
I've learned-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
I've learned-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned-
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely of outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and what
a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned-
that your family won't always be there for you.
It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you and teach you to
trust people again. Families aren't biological.
I've learned-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned-
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I've learned-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
I've learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I've learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your
children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned-
that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people that don't even know you.
I've learned-
that even when you think that you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
I've learned-
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.
I've learned-
that it's hard to determine where to draw
the line between being nice and not hurting
people's feelings and standing up
for what you believe.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
hey it's been a while... gosh... wow guess this year is a hectic one... especially this month... condolences to Maizan and Hizamy families...
one of each of their family members passed away...
surely this month... there are those who are happy and those who are sad...
well sometimes life is really kind on us.. other times it can be cruel... but thats life... we chose how we live it... not others... if it's our times to leave this world... then we just have to accept it and hope that those who are still here will always remember us...
even when we are still here... it's always a good practice to always meet your cousins or your friends and whoever's important to you... tell them you'll never forgot them give a hug or too... and be on your way...
i did that on vanessa birthday.. we all planned to attack her home... i miss her so much and the thought of her wish that she wanted to see us all makes me more desperate to see her...
she's looking as lovely as ever... haha...
well there were celebrations in the air as well... i took someone special out for a lunch at a restaurant somewhere near the seaside...
it was a day i couldn't forgot... just me and her... she told me i was romantic.. haha.. n guess what i was blushing all the way sey... and i couldnt get the words out of my mouth right.. haha.. but still manageable...
i just want to tell her... that day was the most special day of my life... thank you so much for agreeing to let me spend time with you on your birthday... i hope it was special to you just as much as how special it was to me...
we played this game... there was a little bottle each for us... and coloured paper... both different for each... and we ask question about each other...
thinkin back... if i can have one last question to ask... i would ask... who would you like to spend the rest of your life with... and i will answer...
YOU...
Sunday, 12 April 2009
hey readers... sorry for not updating...
i'm bz with stuff till sometimes i forgot to blog even when i want to... hehe...
well today is My miss Kecohrable birthday... yesterday was my lovely vanessa birthday and tomorrow is my sister lurp birthday... haha... we the 13th twins... cause our birthday is on the 13... hee... although mine is october... far right... haha...
yesterday they were all so young... now they have grown up... just like im about to this october... or maybe i already have...
yesterday it felt great... it's like i'm always being spoon fed... now it seems like i have to do it on my own... i got responsibilities now... as a son... as a brother and as a senior in my fire station... no more the naughty small boy i used to be...
i always like the idea of growing up... it means i get my own freedom... to do whatever i want... to be a role model to my brother and those who i look upon as my little sisters and brothers...
till it actually happen...
growing up is scary ok... i tell u that... i got my own bills to pay... decisions to make... examples to set... and sometimes it can be really stressful... im only 21 this year... wait till im married with kids =S...
even Sergeant Hisyam ask me to decide what i wanna do in the future... will i sign on for firefighter... or will i go out and look for a job... will i take my licence... or will i continue my studies... will i go for higher nitec den or go for private diploma? me??? private diploma??? it never come across my mind at all... haha...
but then it cost alot of money... which i dont have... and i can't ask my parents right... i have to figure out a way...
stress right... haha...
but you know what i told him... i look into his eyes and said that i do both... i get my bike licence... i study hard... i promise him i fight for my future... i'll fight for my parents... i'll set an examples to my little brother's and sister's... i get a job that can support me and my families...
i don't need an extraordinary life... i don't need to be a superstar or a celebrity...
i just have to be me... the simple me... the guy that people hate and love... haha...
well no one can predict our future right... whatever it is... i fight for my rights... and lead a simple life... will i be happy...? of course i will... as long as i still have those i love dearly... my Family and my Friends... hell im still a happy camper right now as we speak...
money can't always bring happiness right??? haha... =)
